Chapter 3- Foundational Processes for an enduring healthy marriage.

Chapter 3- Foundational Processes for an enduring healthy marriage.

Proclamation Principle: Husbands and Wives have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other.

Lesson Objectives:  To help the family understand the sacredness, and importance of the marriage relationship.  Marriage is a gift from God to us.  The quality of our marriages in our gift to Him. Husbands and wives have a stewardship to love and care for one another in righteousness.

Opening Song: Love at Home

Quote/ Scripture of the week:“

"Achieving marital unity takes tremendous patience and persistence and a clear vision of what our priorities are in this life,” Spousal love is a wonderful gift, but we have to learn to give it fully in order to receive it in full measure.” Victor B. Cline.  

Gordon B. Hinckley: “I have long felt that happiness in marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion. That involves a willingness to overlook weaknesses and mistakes” (Ensign July 2005).

Attention Activity: This activity will help demonstrate the importance of working together in a marriage relationship.  Idea found here   Instructions:  Place a treat on opposite sides of the room, each one being assigned to a particular child. Have two family members link arms, back to back.  Set the timer for 10 seconds and let the kids race to get their respective treat.  They have to keep their arms linked the entire time. (It is likely that the kids will try to pull their teammate to their own candy so a little power struggle may ensue). In that amount of time, if there is a struggle, probably only one teammate will reach their treat which will leave one partner very unhappy. However, had the teammates communicated with one another, been unified, and worked together to get one and then the other, they would have been able to get both.  This is exactly how marriage should work.  Discuss how this correlates to marriage.  When a husband and wife work as a team, are unselfish, and are more concerned for their spouse's needs than their own self, they will have a much more successful, happy marriage.

Video Clip:  A portion of Elder Holland's address:  How do I love thee.

As a family, discuss these points from Elder Holland's full address:

• Mormon explicity taught that this love, this ability we all so want, is a gift.  It is bestowed.  It doesn't come without effort, and it doesn't come without patience, but, like salvation itself, in the end it is a gift, given by God to the true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ.
• The first element of divine love-pure love-taught by both Paul and Mormon is its kindness, its selfless quality, its lack of ego and vanity and consuming self-centeredness.  "Charity suffereth long, and is kind, charity envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own."  Moroni 7:45
• The second segment of this scriptural sermon on love in Moroni 7:45 says that true charity-real love-"is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity."Think of how many arguments could be avoided, how many hurt feelings could be spared, and in a worst-case scenario, how many breakups and divorces could be avoided if we were not so easily provoked, if we thought no evil of one another, and if we not only did not rejoice in iniquity but didn't rejoice even in little mistakes.
• Think the best of each other, especially of those you say you love.  Assume the good and doubt the bad.
• Ben Franklin once said "In marriage, be watchful with both eyes but after married, keep one eye closed "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage,"and half shut afterwards."

Thinking the best of each other Activity:  Set the time for three minutes.  On little strips of paper (prepared beforehand), write down as many things as you can think of that you are grateful for in your spouse or marriage.  To include the whole family, this can be adapted.  Each member of the family contributes by writing down as many things as they can think of as to why they are thankful for the family.  

1. Write as quickly as you can and put down everything that comes to your mind.
2. When the time is up, compare your lists. What blessings do you have in common? What blessings are different?
3. Combine your papers and put into a blessing jar.  Continue to add to the jar throughout the days/weeks to follow as a reminder of all of the blessings that come from marriage/family. 4.  Encourage the family to really try to focus on the blessings in the home throughout the week and see if it makes a difference in their actions/attitudes.  
4.  Follow-up:  In the following week's FHE, follow up on how focusing on the blessings made a difference in the relationships.  This is a good time to address the idea that "if you are looking for the bad, you will find it. If you are looking for the good, you will find it."  There is good and bad in all things but it is how we CHOOSE to view them that makes all the difference.  

Video Clip: End the lesson with Elder Perry's final address before passing as he bears his testimony on why marriage matters: 
Why Marriage and Family Matters; L. Tom Perry

Refreshments:  Heart-shaped sugar cookies that the family could frost/decorate while discussing the lesson or something as simple as heart-shaped rice crispy treats.  Another fun option might be to serve whatever you had as your wedding reception refreshments.